Raising Great Parents
and continuing to become a Unique and fabulous teenager
Often during adolescence, the changes that are bought about can bring a sense of bewildered confusion. You’ll experience developmental bouncing and shift behaviour patterns quite quickly.
Though hormones play a role, the main thing driving behaviour is the massive brain changes you’re going through. The things that can send you into a tailspin are actually a really normal, healthy part of adolescence and an important part of the adventure you’re on to figure out who you are and where you fit in to the world.
COMMUNICATIONS IS TO RELATIONSHIPS WHAT BREATH IS TO LIFE.
We already see you as whole, free, inherently wise and beautiful. Each moment comes to us filled with gifts, marvels adventures and opportunities, of which we see or accept merely a tiny portion of the editing possibilities surrounding us.
- Correct me if Im wrong, but I understand you don’t want to disconnect from us, you are having some brilliant highs and some excruciating lows, and sometimes we get caught in the cross fire. We endeavour to see things through your eyes as much as we can, we too want to keep our relationship with you strong. Fight or flight responses can be triggered really easily and either one of us may yell, shout, say awful things (fight) or shut down to one another (flight) – see document. We hate this just as much as you and we don’t want to disconnect either. You matter to us.
- The push and pull. We wont always agree with one another but a promise to take the time out to understand each other is a high priority. Your creative brain is sparking like never before and you are thinking about the world in different ways and experimenting with who you are and where you fit in. As a healthy normal part of that we’’l question you and you will us, don’t shut us down, remember we want to hear what you have to say, but we all need to be respectful while we say it. Either of us may forget this but its what we have to say thats really important.
- No I told you so’s. They are so yesterday. We are all learning here and were all going to make mistakes, thats how we learn, if we are shamed for the fall, we are all kept from the lessons. We can’t turn back time and change what happened, but we can learn from it and together figure it out and uncover the lesson. We will listen with patience, support and wisdom and share your journey as you get ready for life.
- Its ok not to have it all figured out. Be patient and kind to yourself. Moods go up and moods come down, its a roller coaster ride. When you want more time on your own or more private headspace, it’s a sign that you’re maturing and becoming more independent. This can be a healthy part of adolescence, although you’ll still needs supervision and support.
- Your friends are important. Moving toward them doesn’t mean your rejecting us. We humans love groups, its how we feel safest and strongest and its been that way for thousands of years. Up to now we have been your strongest group. We are wired to be in packs, respect your friends, treat your friends just how you would like them to treat you. Adolescence can spark a quest for popularity at any cost. Try to move beyond this ideal. It can be good insurance to have a second group of friends separate form school friends. Apart from protection if you have a falling out with school friends it can be rejuvenating to be able to step away from any school yard issues. Know that you can always come to us if the group doesn’t feel good to be around or are leading each other astray. Friendships Id like to create or deepen would look like?
- You’re experimenting with being an adult, so its important for us no to treat you like kids. The developmental bouncing can be really confusing for you at times, feeling like you’re older one day and wanting to younger the next. If we are clear on family values, rules and expectations it helps to maintain a clear, consistent and calm household. Just as you have expectations of us, we do of you, Our high expectations or your contributions toward family life are our way to help promote your resilience and self belief.
- We understand that you need to find out who you are. You’ll take in more of your wisdom when we’re loving you than when we’re lecturing, criticising or judging you. It can feel like it’s all on your terms, and for a while it might be. We know you need to know you are able to stand without us. Neither of us know what that looks like and sometimes you’ll go too far. We get that you don’t mean to hurt us or make us feel as though we matter. Sometimes this adolescence thing feels bad for us too. We want you to be strongly individual and unique and preset this whilst being able to work with others without being dictated to by them.
- We will keep our respect and trust for you. We will always believe in you. We will try to always be consistent. Lets preserve our relationship.
- It may not always go right, nobody ever got into trouble because they had too much information. Talking to us about things is much more productive than us lecturing about the rules. Yes, you’ll do risky things sometimes. You’ll really push against the edges of ourselves. Sometimes you’ll reach full flight, and sometimes you’ll fall out of the sky with a thud. We’ll want to lecture you, but we’ll lose you if we do. We’ll try to let it be easy for you to come to us, and listen to you, we’ll try not to preach to you. You know you can come to us with anything. we know your trying to find your way.
We love you. We seriously love you. Adolescence is complicated and there will be plenty of bumps along the way. Probably some yelling, tears and feisty words too. Know that its all part of what we have to do together to find our way through.
How better can we help you thrive this year?
What are some family adventures you’d like to have?
What is something we could create together?
If you were to ask yourself not who you are, but who you want to be, REALLY. Not who you are as the student, daughter/son, dancer, footballer. But who is the person behind all this, the person you would like to be.
is it: Kind, strong minded, unique, authentic, compassionate, warm hearted, generosity, competitiveness, family, happiness, self respect, gratitude, wealth, knowledge, freedom, faith, religion, community, integrity, creativity, recognition, achievement, power, friendship, leadership, affection, economic security, adventure, love, health, inner harmony.
What are your 10 highest values
Beside each value, write a few words to define it for yourself
Its time to dream a new dream. Time to create an incredible year for yourself, your world, your life, the world.
THOUGHT. WORD. ACTION.
That’s how change happens.
You are getting braver, deeper, wiser, more beautiful by the moment, by the day, by the year.
Aim for the moon, if you miss, you’ll land on a star
If you aim at nothing, you’ll hit it everytime.
Which one do you choose?
First though, lets give gratitude for the year that was. What are you grateful in your life from 2015?
I am proud of yourself for?
In 2015 I discovered __________ about myself?
I am happy because of?
Even though it was really hard to go through, I learned a lot from?
The area I felt were hard and challenging were?
I know myself more now because of?
What beautiful lessons did I learn in 2015?
What dreams came true in 2015?
When you look back on 2015, what do you think of?
I am grateful and thankful for all that was in the past, for the lessons Ive leant, the connections Ive made, the values Ive shown and for the places Ive seen. Make this a conscious list, add pictures, drawings and anything you can think of.
What Id like to learn in 2016?
This year I promise myself I will?
This year Id like to release?
This year I want to feel?
What is important to you?
Who and what are you inspired by?
What are some of your natural gifts and abilities?
What is unique about you?
I choose strength. I choose laughter. I choose courage.
Create your ideal day